Mental health check in for parents and caregivers
Parenting is a full time job with overtime built in and on the job training. When was the last time you checked in on your burnout and overwhelm with this job. Today on Mothers Day we celebrate Mom who somehow manages it all. It is a day meant to allow some downtime, feel appreciated and say Thank you. What I ask is that you continue to pay some attention to you all year. xoxo
Parenting is one of the most important jobs you’ll ever have. You get to raise some amazing humans. Not every day will be great, not every meal will be perfect, but every day we show up and do it all over again. Today, I would like to ask “how are you doing right now?” - the real answer…… We have a mental health epidemic affecting everyone, parents and children alike. In order to do right by our kids, we first have to make sure you are OK.
Each generation has had its own suffering, we have survived the past 2 years trying to balance the simplist of tasks with safety. Evaluating the risks of even sending our kids to school. Becoming teachers ourselves and a basic fear of leaving the house and letting the kids play. The constant anxiety effects you and your kids. Even if this is no longer a constant, the echo of this recent time seems to be causing some of the drama. There is no simple answer and I wish I could name one thing to change. We have to start somewhere and with whatever we have power over which is ourselves, our mood, response and interactions with other people.
There is some research on survival and happiness, a few quick points to gleam from this. In a crisis there are 2 types of reactions 1.Why did this happen to me (the victim) and someone is to blame and 2. How can I fix this ? What can I do to help myself and others ? (the responder)- which one do you think succeeds ? Work on getting yourself in the second category if your usual response is “victim”.
Then there are mental states during a crisis I will briefly review because it lends some insight to the situation: Uncertainty, fear, anxiety and dread, Hopeless and helplessness, denial and panic. Are the children having a delayed reaction? I don’t know, but suicide attempts in children and adolescents are up 250% from 2019.
In trying to figure out where we can start to help save our kids we need to start at home and work from there. “The roots make the fruit”. We are the roots and they are the fruit. Lets feed them well- literally and figurativelly, and keep them standing upright. Check on the soil and make sure they are surrounded with all of the things they need to succeed and grow. Support them and nurture them and help them bend with the wind.
Today, I want you to reflect on how you are doing? Have you emptied your bucket enough to take the constant filling of needs of the kids. If not, start thinking about how you can do that? Try to get more sleep and find activities and people that bring you joy. Schedule fun events to look forward to and allow some time for just you. Make a date with yourself, put it on your schedule, noone else will.
It’s a delicate balance and guilt is normal for parents to feel as we spend time working on ourselves, but doing so is the only way you can become a role model and have patience for the family that you love. Give yourself grace, some space if needed and someone to talk to if you need direction to help get you there. I am serving as the messenger asking you to check in today. Its a good day to start with you.
Be well - Dr. B
