Breathe in… breathe out…
how to survive dropping your kid off at college
Sending your child off to college, the military and trying to get prepared?
I am here to help you prepare yourself for this transition
I am Dr. Bruno, a pediatrician who was definetley underprepared for dropping my first son off at college. So I am going to try to do better for you. I will start with - it is not ok, but it will be.
I thought hard about what to call this blog and “breathe in… breathe out” came as a natural first choice. It brings us back to a tool you may have used (or at least learned) to bring this child into the world. Now you will need it to drop your heart off at college and walk away hoping you prepared them enough.
The first year is eye opening for everyone and there are many obstacles settling into dorm life, sharing a room and space with strangers ( soon to be friends you hope- ps that doesn’t always work out). That’s ok, it is all part of the navigation. Learning how to feed themselves 3 meals a day - college meal prep blog is helpful. Plan to pick up some basic cooking equipment that is allowed in their dorms and most schools usually have a meal plan required in their first year when they live on campus. Don’t worry, they won’t starve.
But those are the easy things - first you have to stop hyperventilating.
Breathe in… breathe out… repeat 4 times and take a 2 minute time out. You can do this!
Shopping lists that never end if you have a girl - prepare for a theme ( and a second mortgage), if you have a boy you are pretty good with a mattress cover, extra long sheets to go with it, maybe a new blanket ( if he lets you) , fridge and toaster oven/air fryer ( easiest cooking device *if allowed at your school). Most schools will have a “what’s allowed list” for the dorm with size specifications for some things - for example the dorm fridge. So before you shop, look that up. During move in week most schools will have big bins to help you get the stuff from the car to the dorm room. Don’t forget your ID and maybe a credit card to reserve these bins.
and Breathe in… breathe out …
To those parents sending your child off to the military, your list may not include dorm sheets or microwaves, but it comes with its own weight. You might find yourself buying fewer creature comforts and more standard-issue socks and paperwork folders. The unpredictability is real — you won’t always know when they’ll call, when you’ll see them next, or even exactly where they are. You prepare for silence and for strength, for sudden travel or last-minute changes. You learn new acronyms, track new countdowns, and check your phone in the middle of the night just in case.
Like college parents, you’re trusting that what you’ve instilled in them — their grit, compassion, and sense of right — will carry them through. But instead of imagining them walking to class, you picture them in uniform, being shaped into something new.
And still, just like during labor, all you can do is breathe in… breathe out… and trust that love goes with them.
How far away will they be from you? Easiest route of travel? How often can they come home? Try to plan ahead with the school calendar and will help you plan out some of these trips so you both have this to look forward to. Also discuss with your child their plans and if they will be getting a job and not come home for all of the breaks. This might help make a decision for on or off campus work or a trip to visit them. Some schools have a “parent weekend” where everyone comes to visit so put that on your radar and add to your calendar so that you don’t miss it.
Breathe in breathe out…
Student loans- I am not claiming to be a financial wizard but here are some resources that can help. It’s inevitable unless you were really good at saving up or your child received scholarships that covers tuition. Parent plus loan allows you to defer payment until after your child is finished with school which is helpful. But heads up, the kids have limited resources to get their own loans, so prepare for this.
Breathe in breathe out….
Having some control. Paperwork that allows you to help make decisions. Mama bear legal website and app - makes it easy . This resource was helpful to me and my doctor mom brain. If not signed and your college child is now 18 years old you will actually have no rights in medical decision making, access to grades at school, Hippa and proxy access. Created for the purpose to be a mama bear from afar and keep your kid safe if they need your help to make decisions or direct medical care if they are unable. If your 18 year old child is sick and needs to be seen in a clinic in most circumstances you cannot make that appointment for them unless paperwork is signed in advance. So prepare ahead and get the forms signed. Sometimes the clinic on campus has their own form that needs to be signed so ask ahead when you go visit. The Mama bear website also has an app to store all of the documents so that they are handy when you need them. Here is a link for a 20% off discount: https://share.mamabearlegalforms.com/52vps
Have open conversations about as much as possible. (breathe a bunch before this conversation…)
1. School work organization: deadlines, major assignments and frequent check ins on how things are going so they don’t fall behind or get overwhelmed ( which may happen anyway but we can try to help). PLANNERS!!
Paper planners are still proven( in studies) to be superior to all electronic options of organization. Encourage their use.
2. Partying - party safety. Create a safety kit , hangover kit, consider a Narcan pen, breathalyzer. Review not drinking and driving- yes say it again! Remind them not to leave a drink with someone unobserved.
3. Regular medicine if your child is on one- have refills on hand and consider getting meds sent to the dorm. There are several mail order companies- check with your insurance. Emergency meds to have on hand at school- Benadryl, Motrin, vitamin c, bandaids - this prefilled first aid kit is a good place to start.
3. Birth control - for both girls and boys. Talk about options with both and consider starting your girl on birth control “just to be safe” and discuss alcohol use and making safe decisions.
No matter where your child is headed — a dorm room, a barracks, a job across town, or a journey still unfolding — the truth is, you're doing what you’ve always done: letting go a little so they can grow a lot. This season comes with pride, with grief, with hope, and with quiet moments where the house feels too still.
So take a deep breath. You’ve done more than pack the bags or check the lists. You’ve loved, guided, taught, and prepared — more than you know. This next chapter isn’t just theirs; it’s yours too.
Breathe in… Breathe out… You’ve got this. And so do they.
Good Luck and with Love, Dr. B
